The Difference Before and After Marriage

Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I’m suffocating
Before - Twice a night
After - Once a month
Before - She says she loves the way I take control of the situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he’s done…
Before - Don’t stop
After - Don’t start
Before - The Sound of Music
After - The Sound of Silence
Before - Is that all you’re having?
After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.

Before- Its like I’m in a dream
After - Its like he’s in a dorm
Before - $60/dozen
After - $1.50/stem
Before - Turbo charged
After - Jump start
Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn’t she have a mind of her own?
Before - Victoria’s Secret
After - Fruit of the Loom

Before - Feathers and Handcuffs
After - Ball and Chain
Before - Idol
After - Idle
Before - I love a woman with curves
After - I never said you were fat

Before- He’s completely lost without me
After - Why won’t he ever ask for directions?
Before - Time stood still
After - This relationship is going nowhere
Before - Croissant and cappuccino
After - Bagel and instant
Before - Blind
After - Nearsighted
Before - You look so seductive in black
After - Your clothes are so depressing

Before - Oysters
After - Fish sticks
Before - I can hardly believe we found each other
After -I can’t believe I ended up with someone like you
Before - Passion
After - Ration
Before - Once upon a time
After - The End